Got Your Nose

Are you ever surprised by the nose in front of your face? Ok, stay with me here, maybe it's because I have a decent-sized nose (thank you, family genes...), and also that I'm easily distracted, but every once in a while I look a bit too fast and pow.  My nose completely takes me by surprise and I spend more seconds then I'm proud of trying to figure out what the hell that pale fleshly thing is in the middle of everything.

I think we're getting to that "got your nose" part of our relationship and I kind of like it.  I'm used to her being here, wherever "here" happens to be (at the apartment, at my parents' house for Christmas, etc), and there's no doubt I would notice if she wasn't there. She's a part of my life.  If she wasn't here I would be completely thrown off. (Sidenote: because of our transportation situation, Mimi is having to spend some of her night's at her parents' to get to work. Each time (and there have only been like 3) it feels like the worst thing in the world and we're both incredibly miserable, tears, desperate hugs, the whole works.)

More to the original point, though, I'm still surprised by her-- all the time. Each time I wake up and she's there, or I'm making dinner for two instead of one, or her goofy and ridiculous ringtone comes through my phone (I am mocked in the office each and every time it goes off, but it's worth it), for a split second I don't remember how or why this is happening to me, a flicker, out of the corner of my eye, that seems unfamiliar and surprising.  Then it all sinks back in. This isn't something crazy, it's life.  And it's there every day :-).  She's got my nose... but it works.

A Christmas to Remember

I know that "real" Christmas hasn't happened yet, but we decided, as this is our first Christmas together we wanted Christmas together just the two of us, before we have Christmas with my family next Sunday. So.... yesterday, we woke up, brewed up the coffee, poured it appropriately into Christmas cups (courtesy of Starbucks) and settled down in front of the tree with our stockings.

 In case you're wondering, yes, that is indeed, a my pet, penguin, courtesy of Mimi.  Best pre-Christmas present ever!!

It was sweet... we did Christmas just like we do in my family (her family is not so much for Christmas... so we pulled on my traditions!) We opened a present at a time-- fantastic gifts on both sides, I must say.  And then I pulled a card from the wine box (not that I'm an alcoholic, it was just the best place to hide something!), with a poem I wrote her.

“In Time”

I used to count time backwards—

Moments measured in

Moments lost,

Past,

Over, only to be remembered.

Time was an enemy—

Stealing what I’d had,

Hiding what I’d wanted,

Reminding me

Of what was gone.

But you—you move time.

With you time is only coming,

Days are only arriving,

Nights are everlasting,

And everything is yet to be.

The best is on its way,

And the moments past,

Are but teasing hints of

The moments yet to arrive,

The moments yet to be lived.

The clock doesn’t taunt me,

It makes promises.

If this was today,

What of tomorrow?

I used to count time backwards—

Now I’m running to keep pace,

To meet a life time of tomorrows,

A life time of your face.

And then... in a complete and embarrassing stutter, I asked her if she would-- one day-- agree to marry me and pulled a small box from Tiffany's out of the wine box as well :). In true female fashion, there was lots of crying, but she said yes. I've never really understood "promise rings" and I'm still not sure I want to call it that, but pre-engagement rings doesn't sound quite right... anywho...

Tiffany & co, silver, "I love you" in script

Merry Christmas!

Too Pretty

I have never heard anyone say, "she's too pretty to be Jewish," ; "he's too good looking to be black," or white, or any other kind of person, but I have heard "she's too pretty to be gay" any number of times.  Isn't that interesting? And it's not just girls. I've heard "he's too pretty to be gay" too... Why is that?  The first thing Mimi's mother articulated after really understanding that her daughter was gay, was, "but you're so pretty..." In fact with Mimi, as well as relationships I've had in the past, people are always shocked at how pretty my girlfriend is when they finally meet her...

It took me a while to realize that it isn't that people don't think I deserve someone pretty, or could attract someone pretty, people just genuinely don't think lesbians are pretty. I find that kind of hurtful. And kind of confusing... if pretty people are any number of other things (white/black/Asian/Jewish/Hispanic and so on and so on) why wouldn't they be gay?  Do only ugly people like women? I certainly hope not.  It wouldn't indicate anything good for the world's female population.  Or are women settling?  Like, if I could have a man I would, but since I can't, I guess I'll date some other ugly chick instead?

I will have you know that gay people, as with all other people groups, are comprised of the full spectrum of humanity:  we are jack asses, and sweet hearts, beauty queens, and plain Janes, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, religious, atheistic, and so on and so on.  I hate to frighten anyone hoping to be able to pick out the gays at a distance, but not so much.  There is no too pretty, just people.

The Crazy Factor

A coworker a few months ago was talking about the dramatics of his long-time girlfriend and looked at me and said, "hey, well at least you don't have to put up with that."  I laughed.  A lot.  Granted, on the face, I can see where that makes sense.  A lot of the drama in relationships supposedly arises because men don't understand women and vice versa, so woman + woman should equal a whole lot more understanding..  My experiences in woman/woman relationships, however, imply quite the opposite.  "Understanding" or not, the addition of another woman seems to increase, rather than decrease, the drama factor.  And perhaps, it is just our belief that we intrinsically should understand each other that exacerbates the drama.

After some relationship craziness a year or so back, a very good (male) friend taught me a very valuable truth: women are crazy. Period. The trick (apparently) is to find someone who's good characteristics out-weigh the crazy.  If that's the case, it is no wonder lesbian relationships can be so dramatic- we've got a whole lot of crazy coming face to face.  And worse, rather than in a male/female relationship, where you have one crazy party, and another party resigned to the crazy, in a female/female relationship you have two crazy people, and two people completely convinced the craziness is actually rational.  This leads to moments much like today:  me, crying in my car in front of the Outback, with Mimi insisting on listening to my entire rambling explanation of why I feel sad-- none of which makes a darn lick of sense (and much of which included things like "you sleep too much" and "why do you have to see your mom on a Sunday". Yeah...). And then of course the conversation about the ridiculousness only perpetuates the drama!

I'm not proud of it, but the worst is, I only feel so bad because... it really is in my nature! I'm a little bit crazy, but... hopefully... my good characteristics outweigh my nutso ones? Though I guess you'd have to ask Mimi about that one.  Anywho... the moral of the story is: maybe men really have found a key, here. "Yes, dear," might just be the solution to everything.  Forget understanding, it'll only make it worse!

JoJo

The Nature of Commitment

I think as a society, we tend to link fear of commitment to men. But I don't think that's fair. At least not entirely.  Men, I think, are afraid of commitment (if/when they're afraid of commitment) because they don't like the impression it gives (to potential suitors, to their friends, etc.)  But women, at least this woman, can tend to fear commitment, not because of what it says to others-- we like that part, I think.  It says we're loved, we're taken care of, we don't have to worry anymore-- but because we fear what will happen if we're wrong...

If I say we're committed, and then I turn out to be wrong... eek.  Honestly, how many of us have felt that feeling?  That carpet-pulled-out-from-underneath-you-can't-believe-forever-went-so-fast kind of feeling? I'm guessing quite a few because that kind of tragic disappointment is an unfortunate part of life.  And then, to top it all off, not only are you in agony, you're embarrassed... (And shallow or not, as women, I think this is something we try ardently to avoid... especially women of our day and age.  We're supposed to be strong, confident, independent... and falling in love is ok.  We've given ourselves that. But falling in love alone....? Not for the "strong.") It is crushing to think that you look desperate as well as tragic.

That's a lot of jibber/jabber to say simply this: commitment is scary.  And for one reason or another, most of us are scared of it to some degree.  Sure, there are those who love to be in love, (hell, I love to be in love... as it turns out... tehehe), but even those people have got to be nervous on some level.  So when is it ok to announce love, then?  When is it ok to pledge commitment?   I don't know. I tend to think maybe there isn't an answer because quite frankly, there isn't a way to love or commit without risk.

Just food for thought.  The nature of the beast-- maybe you can't have love and comfort without a bit of risk.  And maybe, that's a price worth paying.  Anywho, crazy or not, ready or not, I'm committed, before God and the almighty internet. I'm hooked-- and prepared to face the shame and embarrassment and future pain if I end up loving in vain.  But... something has me not so worried :).

P.S. Worth the risk?

I think so :)

JoJo

The Aftermath

Well, the much-anticipated 21st birthday of the beautiful Mimi is passed.  We started off a little shaky, working until 12 turned into1 turned into working until 4 (which left a swearing-like-a-sailor Heather Jo sitting on the couch bitching about the pointlessness of planning) but never fail! After I calmed the heck down, I reorganized, quite literally re-did my itinerary (yes... I had an itinerary... I would be ashamed, but on the whole it worked out :)  ) and pulled it off!

First stop was Easley winery.http://www.easleywinery.com/.  Strongly recommend it.  We had a very informative, but quite interesting tour of the winery and then tasted 14 wines between the two of us (on the cheap I might add... tour was free and it was only $3/person to sample 7 wines each!)  And then we came back to the apartment to pretty up for dinner and off to....

http://www.barcelonatapas.com/

Again-- first note: highly recommend it.  We ate all sorts of wonderful food, and more food.... and more food... we both had drinks and we got out of there in under $55 (tip included).  In fact, our favorite menu item, Queso de Cabra al Horno-- essentially baked goat cheese with spicy marinara sauce, with cute garlic breads to dip in it-- was so good we did our best to replicate it at home tonight.  I must say, I think we succeeded for the most part!  Our little garlic breads looked different, but they were still good.  I don't have a pic of ours, but here's what we ate last night:

So good.  After that, we headed back to the apartment for some champagne :).  It was a simple night, but a beautiful one, I think.  It isn't everything I planned, and probably a good lesson in the pointlessness of overplanning.... but what're you gonna do.  We toasted her 21st with love and bubbly.  Doesn't get much better than that.

JoJo

Hallmark Moment

Well, birthday part 1 has been a success.  Mimi has to work this morning, but she found a birthday card, a fresh pot of coffee (of course), and special 21st birthday cup with chocolate eclair desert in it in the fridge.  Given the tears and hug before she left, I think she found it all :).

Oh, but the card, I do love it, so I thought I'd share.

Having you to love is reason enough

to celebrate...

but now that it's your birthday,

there's all the more reason.

I could wish you

all kinds of happy things... 

 and you'd deserve them all...

 but since you're so special,

 I want to wish you 

all the happiness you've given me. 

You're a very warm and caring person, 

 and you've made

 such a difference in my life.

No matter where we go

or what we do,

you're the one

who makes those times wonderful.

That's why I hope

your birthday celebration

is especially wonderful for you...

After all, your birthday

only happens once a year... 

 and someone like you

 only happens

 once in a lifetime.

                            -Kay Andrew

Get it, Hallmark.

Card Shopping

You know something you don't think about?  Card shopping.  I was staring at rows of cards today because someone (I'll let you figure out who... :) ) has her 21st birthday this Saturday, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out which cards I was supposed to pick up.

The first few choices were logical- for her - birthday. Check. I can quickly eliminate "sister" and "mother." But then... she's not my "friend", but all the "wife" and "significant other" cards talk about how lucky of a man I am.  I don't feel like a lucky man.  Don't get me wrong-- I feel incredibly blessed, and incredibly lucky, but I can't claim that I feel even kind of manly.

I'm telling you, one of those things you just don't think about, lol.  But despite Hallmark's best intentions, love is love and I found my card, thank you :). I'll be happy to share more after the much-anticipated birthday is over.  Speaking of which, I think I have been planning this birthday for about a month... if possible I will update you throughout the day Saturday but let's just say... it's gonna be WONDERFUL :).

JoJo