Chicken, Hate, and the Value of a Sandwich

via NY Times

I would be remiss not to mention the chicken debate that has dominated news, tv, and radio this past week or so.  As you undoubtedly know, Dan Cathy, the President of Chik-fil-A recently released statements about his, his family, and his company's views on traditional family.

“We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit.  We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that."


In addition to the comments above, Chik-fil-A confirmed that they have, in fact, contributed money to groups that are actively anti-LGBT, not simply anti-marriage equality.  These groups support practices such as gay conversion (where it is believed through psychological/physical manipulation one can re-program someone to no longer be LGBT, but return to their "natural" inner heterosexual), and criminalization of LGBT (which is exactly what is sounds like- groups that disapproved in "legalizing" gay, and are working to make it illegal to exhibit gay behavior, acts, etc.)  Up until now, Chik-fil-A has made no secret of its Christian roots, or its dedication to its beliefs- even closing on Sundays.  To my knowledge it has received little flack for that open behavior, nor should it.  Chik-fil-A and its affiliates are correct- Chik-fil-A has every right to its beliefs and practices.  They are privately-held, and so are their policies.  So in spite of what critics to the Chik-fil-A opposition are saying, I would like to make it very clear that in my opinion, the opposition to Chik-fil-A has little, if anything, to do with religion.

Put aside that the religious argument is illogical (the biblical definition of the family unit is wrought with a series of additional family members many forget- concubines, second, third, fourth wives, children of servants and slaves, sleeping with children, or perhaps ones' own father, re-marrying one's husband's brother, and so on), Dan Cathy has every right not to like me.  And again, let me say- I could care less.  I don't care that Dan Cathy, or Chik-fil-A doesn't like my family and my to-be family unit.  I don't care that Chik-fil-A doesn't want me to be married.  The owners of Chik-fil-A have every right to open their mouths and say whatever they please, and accordingly, open their wallets and put their money wherever they like.  But I certainly have a right to be offended by it.  As I am offended, not by Chik-fil-A, but by each and every friend, neighbor, and acquaintance who stood in line at Chik-fil-A on Chik-fil-A Appreciation Day earlier this week.  I am offended by every dollar that was put in the pockets of Chik-fil-A so they could turn around and use it against me.  And I'm offended by anyone who isn't offended.

There's been a lot of talk throughout this debate about the "intolerance" of those of us who oppose the statements and practices of Chik-fil-A.  To that I say, absolutely, I am intolerant of hatred.  I am intolerant of hateful speech, hateful practices, and hate groups. Conservative groups have rallied around Chik-fil-A as if they're defending their rights to believe differently.  Conservative groups have every right to believe, and even practice differently- but I don't understand why it is me who is expected to be the tolerant one.  Chik-fil-A is not tolerant of me, they are not tolerant of my family, they are not tolerant of my beliefs- so why must I smile along, shake hands, and say, "we all have our beliefs." Why isn't every fair-minded American completely intolerant of this intolerance?  If Chik-fil-A was supporting a hate group that opposed interracial marriage, or non-Christians, or black people- would all of the unaffected white Christians sit around un-offended? I should hope not.  I hope that in spite of not being directly affected by the hatred, those white Christians would spend differently.  I hope they would be incensed that this Christian organization was supporting groups that persecuted African Americans, or Jews, or inter-racial couples, or any other group that has been persecuted in the name of the Bible.  I would like to say that I would be offended for them.  Somehow, though, the same rules don't apply to me, yet.  The same rules of discrimination don't apply to LGBT.  Somehow, those who aren't LGBT are still allowed to debate and discuss whether or not they believe in my rights, whether or not they believe I deserve not to be discriminated against.  And because my rights to equality are up for debate, so is the merit of Chik-fil-A's stance.  But they are not up for debate with me, and so I brazenly suggest I have no obligation to be tolerant of this prejudice, and I resent any implication otherwise.

But by virtue of free speech, by virtue of those beliefs we hold so dear, do not confuse this social offense as a reason for governmental intervention.  In this regard, the conservative opposition is correct- we should not withold permits from this group, we should not attempt with rulings or lawsuits to excommunicate this organization.  But we should always remember that our wallets hold the key, and we are responsible for each dollar we spend.  So do you support not supporting equality? Do you support funding hatred? Then don't support it.  Don't spend another dollar on anti-LGBT companies and causes, Chik-fil-A included.  Support companies who do support equality.  Buy your coffee at Starbucks, shop at JC Penney.  We are a Capitalistic society and the strongest ties we have between us and change is our wallet.  Chik-fil-A has every right to belief/and do as they do- but you and I have every right to refuse to fund it.

To Whom It Should Concern-- Responses

The first, and possibly only response, came through this morning from Dr. Marie Morris.  Personally, I really appreciated it.  I'm still trying to evaluate how/if I should respond.  But her response echos the kind of respect that I have hoped for all along:

Dear ----,

It was with sadness and disappointment that I read your letter describing the negative reception you received while recently on campus.  Regardless of whether you were holding hands with your girlfriend as you walked through the Haven, the student responses you described were clearly not reflective of the values we wish to foster (servant leadership, integrity, excellence, responsibility, and generosity).  You and your friend did not experience a generosity of spirit or hospitality and for that I am sorry.

As you articulated in your letter there will always be points of disagreement given our cultural understandings, our individual interpretations of Scripture, the way we were brought up, etc.  However, God’s love and salvation are for all.  Jesus so powerfully illustrated this over and over again in his life on this earth.

The young adult years are an intense time of exploration, learning, and growth.  My hope is that one day the students that displayed these hurtful responses toward you and your friend will understand that this was inappropriate and immature.  And, my commitment is, that we will be a campus that can agree and disagree in love where our Christian humility allows us to extend to one another a generosity of spirit.  I do believe it is possible for us as a Church of God school to yield to the current official position of the church on certain life matters and still be respectful of differences and share the love of Christ to one another.  Again, I regret that such was not your experience.

Thank you for taking the time to write to our leadership team.  Your effort to share this painful experience tells me that you do indeed care deeply about your alma mater and that you understand the value of communication in fostering growth.

I wish you God’s richest blessings as you make your way in this world.  Please keep in touch and let us know from time to time how you are doing. If you would like to have further conversation, please do not hesitate to call me.

Warmly,

Dr. Marie S. Morris

To Whom It Should Concern

My apologies ahead of time for the length of this post, but after the events of this weekend I decided to send a letter of concern to the powers that be at Anderson University.  The following was sent to Dr. James L Edwards, Dr. Marie Morris, and Dr. Brent Baker. (Note, I have removed only my name and address from the letter below):

31 January 2012

Anderson University
1100 East Fifth St
Anderson, IN 46012

To whom it should concern,

I graduated from Anderson University this past May, proud of the school I was a part of.  I had my share of difficulties at AU, but I still left it feeling part of that family.  I graduated with honors, completed a major and two minors, played in the band, worked with the theatre, held a student job, and was completely immersed in AU.  Meanwhile, I was closeted, from myself, and then from others for most of my time there.  I came out publicly only in the last weeks before graduation, and, overwhelmed by the support of friends, and some quiet, but well-wishing faculty, I imagined that perhaps some of my fears in my years there had been misplaced.

This weekend, while visiting AU, I remembered why I had been afraid, why I had been scared to live out all those years.  The first time my girlfriend and I walked through the Haven this past Saturday night, I felt several dozen eyes turn and stare with expressions ranging from confusion, to thinly-veiled disgust, to blatant hatred, zoning in on our hands clasped together.  A student reached out and grabbed at my girlfriend’s arm.  She stopped and he asked her something erroneous and inoffensive, but it didn’t feel right, so we answered quickly and walked away.  Some fifteen, twenty minutes later when we returned, they were ready. 

A group of a half-dozen students were staring from the second we stepped back into the room, and as soon as we appeared within earshot, they began.  I won’t repeat exactly what they said—in part, because it isn’t appropriate, and in part, because all of the hatred seemed to smack me in the face, and I rebelled against it.  I stopped listening, kept walking, and begged my girlfriend and my friends to follow suit.  The specifics of what was shouted at us, my friends had to recount to me later.  I am not proud of this.  I wish, in the moment, I had been strong enough to stand there and explain their ignorance, to face their lewd and sexually inappropriate taunts, to show I am stronger than their hatred.  But in the moment, I ran.  Though this lash-out was from only a room-full of people, it felt like the slap in the face I had always feared was coming.  It felt like the slap I was always afraid AU would land across my face.  And I know it is the culmination of a belief-system, and a culture that has been allowed at Anderson University for far too long.

I love Anderson University.  I invested four years of my life, more than a hundred thousand dollars, and any number of tears, laughs, and so much more in that place.  I have formed some of my closest and most intimate relationships.  I met and worked with faculty that changed my life.  But I also heard a lot that hurt.  Though I took part in a lot of enlightening debates, I also observed and a lot of painful ones where Biblical truths were twisted, and God was used to condemn people, groups, and so on.  I endured conversations on women’s role in life that made my stomach turn.  I listened to people vilify same-sex relationships and use God to do it.  I listened to a university president tell students never to expect a faculty member to say that “being homosexual is ok.”  I listened to a vice president express his concerns that publically discussing the (possible) blend of homosexuality and Christianity sounded too much like the “gay agenda passing through this country.”  And worse still, I heard these ideas repeated in the student body.  I heard Sunday school lectures repeated back about unnatural relations, and God-proclaimed inequality, and spouted like gospel. 

When these teachings lead a group of students to feel comfortable publicly ridiculing a couple they don’t agree with, they have gone too far.  I once heard it argued that the students who are against homosexuality have as much right as those for it to attend the school and express their opinions.  This is so.  But when a university and its teaching empower this kind of public hatred, something is terribly, terribly wrong.  The friends who currently or have previously attended AU have been horrified, but not surprised to hear of our experience.  In fact, not a single current/former student I have spoken with was surprised that we were taunted, belittled, and publicly degraded.  The reaction of friends and colleagues outside of the AU network to this interaction has been a mix of disgust, shock, and a seemingly-automatic, “well, you know Christians…”

What world do we live in?  What belief system do we support?  That public degradation is considered a typical Christian response.  What environment does AU claim that students aren’t even remotely surprised?  Even if every member of the AU student body and faculty believed to their core that my same-sex relationship condemns me to hell, what, in any of the teachings of Christianity suggests that such a response is appropriate?  Were Jesus himself in the Haven that day, would he have been sitting at a table, laughing at our exchange, or would he have been holding my other hand, shaking his head in sadness and disgust?  Which are the tables in the temple to be upturned?  Mine or theirs?  Which of us is the disgrace?

As you may already be aware, several different universities have begun conducting studies on the impact of a Christian college environment on homosexual students.  I, myself, have participated in two of these studies.  I hope someday soon these studies are published, and I hope someday sooner still Anderson University, along with other “Christ-centered” universities begins to understand the crisis that is instilling and empowering hatred deep within its students.  Lucky for everyone, I suppose, I am as insignificant as an alumni and my girlfriend as an innocent passerby.  What if I had been a potential student?  A potential benefactor? A faculty-member’s daughter?  Do you disapprove of me so much that you would want me and anyone I’m affiliated with to stay out of AU all together?  Though you may not agree with everything I have to say, I think I made a positive impact at AU while I was there, and though you may not want to, I think you would agree.

I had finally convinced myself that my fears were unfounded.  That though my beliefs might differ with some of the student body’s, at our core, we were Christ-centered, love-centered, individuals and that was the most important thing.  But the eyes staring at me Saturday, the words thrown at me and my friends, were not Christ or love-centered, and that kind of feeling is not born, it’s made, it’s grown, and Anderson University is feeding the flame.  I do not send these words, or these concerns, in anger or hatred.  I send these words, because too many of us have endured that kind of treatment, or live(d) in anxiety, because of what the “Christians” might do if they found out the truth.  Equal, fair, and loving treatment has nothing to do with who you think is “right” and “wrong.”  Disapprove of me if you will, but deny me the love of Christ, deny me the right to that same love, and deny everything the university and our belief system stands on.  You may not like that I’m gay, but you should be horrified that our faith, and our university is affiliated with this kind of hatred.  

Sincerely,

www.anderson.edu