To Whom It Should Concern

My apologies ahead of time for the length of this post, but after the events of this weekend I decided to send a letter of concern to the powers that be at Anderson University.  The following was sent to Dr. James L Edwards, Dr. Marie Morris, and Dr. Brent Baker. (Note, I have removed only my name and address from the letter below):

31 January 2012

Anderson University
1100 East Fifth St
Anderson, IN 46012

To whom it should concern,

I graduated from Anderson University this past May, proud of the school I was a part of.  I had my share of difficulties at AU, but I still left it feeling part of that family.  I graduated with honors, completed a major and two minors, played in the band, worked with the theatre, held a student job, and was completely immersed in AU.  Meanwhile, I was closeted, from myself, and then from others for most of my time there.  I came out publicly only in the last weeks before graduation, and, overwhelmed by the support of friends, and some quiet, but well-wishing faculty, I imagined that perhaps some of my fears in my years there had been misplaced.

This weekend, while visiting AU, I remembered why I had been afraid, why I had been scared to live out all those years.  The first time my girlfriend and I walked through the Haven this past Saturday night, I felt several dozen eyes turn and stare with expressions ranging from confusion, to thinly-veiled disgust, to blatant hatred, zoning in on our hands clasped together.  A student reached out and grabbed at my girlfriend’s arm.  She stopped and he asked her something erroneous and inoffensive, but it didn’t feel right, so we answered quickly and walked away.  Some fifteen, twenty minutes later when we returned, they were ready. 

A group of a half-dozen students were staring from the second we stepped back into the room, and as soon as we appeared within earshot, they began.  I won’t repeat exactly what they said—in part, because it isn’t appropriate, and in part, because all of the hatred seemed to smack me in the face, and I rebelled against it.  I stopped listening, kept walking, and begged my girlfriend and my friends to follow suit.  The specifics of what was shouted at us, my friends had to recount to me later.  I am not proud of this.  I wish, in the moment, I had been strong enough to stand there and explain their ignorance, to face their lewd and sexually inappropriate taunts, to show I am stronger than their hatred.  But in the moment, I ran.  Though this lash-out was from only a room-full of people, it felt like the slap in the face I had always feared was coming.  It felt like the slap I was always afraid AU would land across my face.  And I know it is the culmination of a belief-system, and a culture that has been allowed at Anderson University for far too long.

I love Anderson University.  I invested four years of my life, more than a hundred thousand dollars, and any number of tears, laughs, and so much more in that place.  I have formed some of my closest and most intimate relationships.  I met and worked with faculty that changed my life.  But I also heard a lot that hurt.  Though I took part in a lot of enlightening debates, I also observed and a lot of painful ones where Biblical truths were twisted, and God was used to condemn people, groups, and so on.  I endured conversations on women’s role in life that made my stomach turn.  I listened to people vilify same-sex relationships and use God to do it.  I listened to a university president tell students never to expect a faculty member to say that “being homosexual is ok.”  I listened to a vice president express his concerns that publically discussing the (possible) blend of homosexuality and Christianity sounded too much like the “gay agenda passing through this country.”  And worse still, I heard these ideas repeated in the student body.  I heard Sunday school lectures repeated back about unnatural relations, and God-proclaimed inequality, and spouted like gospel. 

When these teachings lead a group of students to feel comfortable publicly ridiculing a couple they don’t agree with, they have gone too far.  I once heard it argued that the students who are against homosexuality have as much right as those for it to attend the school and express their opinions.  This is so.  But when a university and its teaching empower this kind of public hatred, something is terribly, terribly wrong.  The friends who currently or have previously attended AU have been horrified, but not surprised to hear of our experience.  In fact, not a single current/former student I have spoken with was surprised that we were taunted, belittled, and publicly degraded.  The reaction of friends and colleagues outside of the AU network to this interaction has been a mix of disgust, shock, and a seemingly-automatic, “well, you know Christians…”

What world do we live in?  What belief system do we support?  That public degradation is considered a typical Christian response.  What environment does AU claim that students aren’t even remotely surprised?  Even if every member of the AU student body and faculty believed to their core that my same-sex relationship condemns me to hell, what, in any of the teachings of Christianity suggests that such a response is appropriate?  Were Jesus himself in the Haven that day, would he have been sitting at a table, laughing at our exchange, or would he have been holding my other hand, shaking his head in sadness and disgust?  Which are the tables in the temple to be upturned?  Mine or theirs?  Which of us is the disgrace?

As you may already be aware, several different universities have begun conducting studies on the impact of a Christian college environment on homosexual students.  I, myself, have participated in two of these studies.  I hope someday soon these studies are published, and I hope someday sooner still Anderson University, along with other “Christ-centered” universities begins to understand the crisis that is instilling and empowering hatred deep within its students.  Lucky for everyone, I suppose, I am as insignificant as an alumni and my girlfriend as an innocent passerby.  What if I had been a potential student?  A potential benefactor? A faculty-member’s daughter?  Do you disapprove of me so much that you would want me and anyone I’m affiliated with to stay out of AU all together?  Though you may not agree with everything I have to say, I think I made a positive impact at AU while I was there, and though you may not want to, I think you would agree.

I had finally convinced myself that my fears were unfounded.  That though my beliefs might differ with some of the student body’s, at our core, we were Christ-centered, love-centered, individuals and that was the most important thing.  But the eyes staring at me Saturday, the words thrown at me and my friends, were not Christ or love-centered, and that kind of feeling is not born, it’s made, it’s grown, and Anderson University is feeding the flame.  I do not send these words, or these concerns, in anger or hatred.  I send these words, because too many of us have endured that kind of treatment, or live(d) in anxiety, because of what the “Christians” might do if they found out the truth.  Equal, fair, and loving treatment has nothing to do with who you think is “right” and “wrong.”  Disapprove of me if you will, but deny me the love of Christ, deny me the right to that same love, and deny everything the university and our belief system stands on.  You may not like that I’m gay, but you should be horrified that our faith, and our university is affiliated with this kind of hatred.  

Sincerely,

www.anderson.edu