A Lesson in Perfection

First- it would be rude to start without a brief apology. It can hardly be said that I've been maintaining this blog with the incredible time that has lapsed between my last post and this one. For that, I apologize. To sum up, so much life has seemed to interfere- or I guess not "so much life" so much as "life," really.  In these weeks I've been away, we've moved to a new apartment (so the typical, pack, move, unpack, arrange, re-arrange, decorate, re-decorate, and paint- lots of paint), I've quit my job (so apply/reject, apply/reject, offer, contemplate, mull over- question thinking process over and over), and started another- a whole emotional rollercoaster of its own.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately of perfection.  For anyone who knows me, I have dedicated a great portion of my life and energies to perfection. I mean well, but at my core, I am a chronic perfectionist.  I want to do the best job possible, be the best possible, do as many "right" things as humanly possible, and on and on.  It isn't healthy, and for the most part I've learned to let go of the unhealthy portions of my "perfect motivations" but still- I want everything to go right.  All the time.  But the more I've thought about it lately, I think I've been addressing "perfect" the wrong direction.

I consider that Mimi and I have a pretty perfect relationship, but that being said, we have some pretty imperfect days- and regularly. In fact, things are by far not always "perfect." I have/had days at work that are/were awful- I would come home burdened, stressed, over-worked, and drained, and those feelings don't always make me a delight to be around.  Mimi has her own stresses- work, family, days that are way too long, as so on (though the official party stance is as follows: she is unaffected by these whims of life and is always delightful. ;-). )  Moreover, we are two female persons in a committed relationship who spend nearly every minute together and as can be expected - we argue, we fight, and we definitely disagree a lot of times. Over important things, but mostly ridiculous things, and it throws a huge wrench in those perfect days.

But the thing I've been thinking is- I don't think "perfect" means that everything aligns exactly right, that everyone says the exact right thing, and we only do the exact right thing every time.  I think "perfect" might mean- at the end of the day, the bad, "imperfect" moments, are merely a slight, and completely acceptable part, of an overall great great thing.  I think perfect is feeling bad knowing we've screamed when we shouldn't have, but not being afraid that we did- because nothing is changing.  I think perfect is building a home together, and knowing we've struggled to get here, and we'll struggle again, but it's worth it.  I think perfect is knowing the worst that could possibly come, is worth all the best that has already happened.  I think what we have is pretty perfect, and I think this is the kind of perfect I'll be striving for from now on.

Life as Usual

First- an apology.  I have been exceptionally negligent, and for that I apologize. Life has been both over and underwhelming as of late, and all the same- quite busy! Anyway...

It is sad to say, but not much has happened since my last post! Just living, I guess.  Which has proven interesting on its own, though not necessarily in the ways it used to. Now we're experiencing those things that come only with relationship duration... and anyone who's been in a relationship longer than 2 months or so probably knows what I'm talking about. Those things that were super cute after a month, aren't so cute after 8 or so, and those things that were kind of annoying in the beginning are... well, you get it.  With each passing day the differences between you seem to outshine the similarities, and part of you wonders if the "learning about each other" part wasn't more fun, than the knowing it part.  When you "wonder" it's romantic and fun.  When you "know" it can just be frustrating to think that your understanding hasn't resolved your issues.

I can tell you without a doubt that Mimi and I are quite different.  We think differently, we act differently, we value different things.  And, without putting too fine a point on it, I worry, on a regular basis, if she won't wake up one day and realize that she's not quite so fascinated by me as she once thought she was.  Our differences were endearing in the beginning, but now... I worry sometimes.  I know I have to be frustrating.  I am obsessive, exact, critical, chaotic... all words that should probably be labeled and summed up as "stressful."  I tend to worry and involve others in my worry as well.  I obsess over my size and shape, but I keep doing the same things... hell, I have annoyed myself while writing this post.

The cool thing though is that while I have no doubt my idiosyncracies would drive myself crazy, luckily, she seems to want to stick around :).  I mean we conflict sometimes, and our differences are a big part of that, but at the end of the day- so worth it. Worth it every minute of every day. So nothing going on here, just living.  But the living feels good.

Trademarks of a Lesbian Household

So I was looking around our apartment the other day, and realized that we probably have some distinctly lesbian themes and I never thought about it...

So for a twist on the classic "You Know You're a Redneck", we proudly introduce: You Know It's a Lesbian House If....

1. You have hundreds of hair ties and tampons....somewhere... but you can't find a single one of either.
2. Instead of discarding old shoes, you now put them in their own pile and designate them "spider-killing-shoes."
3. Someone cries, at least once every other day-- not necessarily because their sad, or  angry, but because there's so much estrogen floating around, people just cry spontaneously.  
4. All 7 seasons of Golden Girls are sitting on the shelf (to be fair this could be applied to a gay household as well.)
5. There are shoes everywhere. Not just a few shoes, not some shoes, so many shoes, and everywhere.
6. Your primary criteria for a new home is the closet space.
7. Your coffee table is compiled of a conflicting mix of feminist and chauvinistic magazines (hey, if Kaley Cuoco is on the cover, it's worth buying...)
8. You have at least a dozen movies no (straight) person has ever heard of.
9. Most of what comes into or out of the apartment is packaged in Trader Joe's or Whole Foods Bags.
10. You can't wait to be wrapped in the arms of the woman you love :-)

Happy Monday everybody!