A Lesson in Perfection

First- it would be rude to start without a brief apology. It can hardly be said that I've been maintaining this blog with the incredible time that has lapsed between my last post and this one. For that, I apologize. To sum up, so much life has seemed to interfere- or I guess not "so much life" so much as "life," really.  In these weeks I've been away, we've moved to a new apartment (so the typical, pack, move, unpack, arrange, re-arrange, decorate, re-decorate, and paint- lots of paint), I've quit my job (so apply/reject, apply/reject, offer, contemplate, mull over- question thinking process over and over), and started another- a whole emotional rollercoaster of its own.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately of perfection.  For anyone who knows me, I have dedicated a great portion of my life and energies to perfection. I mean well, but at my core, I am a chronic perfectionist.  I want to do the best job possible, be the best possible, do as many "right" things as humanly possible, and on and on.  It isn't healthy, and for the most part I've learned to let go of the unhealthy portions of my "perfect motivations" but still- I want everything to go right.  All the time.  But the more I've thought about it lately, I think I've been addressing "perfect" the wrong direction.

I consider that Mimi and I have a pretty perfect relationship, but that being said, we have some pretty imperfect days- and regularly. In fact, things are by far not always "perfect." I have/had days at work that are/were awful- I would come home burdened, stressed, over-worked, and drained, and those feelings don't always make me a delight to be around.  Mimi has her own stresses- work, family, days that are way too long, as so on (though the official party stance is as follows: she is unaffected by these whims of life and is always delightful. ;-). )  Moreover, we are two female persons in a committed relationship who spend nearly every minute together and as can be expected - we argue, we fight, and we definitely disagree a lot of times. Over important things, but mostly ridiculous things, and it throws a huge wrench in those perfect days.

But the thing I've been thinking is- I don't think "perfect" means that everything aligns exactly right, that everyone says the exact right thing, and we only do the exact right thing every time.  I think "perfect" might mean- at the end of the day, the bad, "imperfect" moments, are merely a slight, and completely acceptable part, of an overall great great thing.  I think perfect is feeling bad knowing we've screamed when we shouldn't have, but not being afraid that we did- because nothing is changing.  I think perfect is building a home together, and knowing we've struggled to get here, and we'll struggle again, but it's worth it.  I think perfect is knowing the worst that could possibly come, is worth all the best that has already happened.  I think what we have is pretty perfect, and I think this is the kind of perfect I'll be striving for from now on.

The Importance of PRIDE

I wanted to take a moment as PRIDE festivals sweep the nation, and talk about what PRIDE does for us- gay and straight people alike.  (For those of you who don't know, a Pride event, is a celebration of LGBT individuals and their allies, normally featuring many rainbows, drag queens, information booths, and lots of glitter :). ) From my personal perspective, my first Pride event was huge.  I had never seen so many gay people in one place, or probably at all... ever.  It was eye-opening to see so many other gay people, and in Indiana of all places.  There were people who looked like me- in relationships with people who I might want to be with, with kids, pets, families... and so many people who looked nothing like me- and yet didn't have any problem whatsover with me, or my "gayness."  A few years later, this PRIDE meant more than that.  It meant a place where my friends, a straight couple, and myself and Mimi (a gay couple) could go together... and be equally in love, and spontaneously affectionate, and not have to worry about catching a side glance, or a head-on glare, or worse... no worry at all.  It was great.  I held Mimi's hand nearly the whole time, even occasionally sharing a kiss or two, and not once were we judged.  It was great.

On a broader scale, Pride is important because it tells a community, of gay and straight people alike, that the LGBT and ally community exists- on a large scale.  (Without knowing the exact numbers, I would guess that PRIDE this year was maybe twice the size of the first time I went, three years ago.)  To the maybe, or maybe not, supportive outside crowd it challenges common (mis)conceptions.  And to the LGBT persons inside or outside the event... it means a lot. It means there are other people like you, and other people not like you- who still like you. More to the point, it shows you that some of them are happy. Just as I was blown away to see happy lesbian couples with kids... so, I think, are other LGBT out there, who need to know there is life "this way."

Most importantly, perhaps, is the mission to continue to enlighten and reeducate.  Without events such as PRIDE, maybe people like "us" would slip to the background, or fail to have a public presence or face.  And without a face... with just a label, it's so much easier to hate. Sure, you can hate the homosexual, but can you hate me, and my girlfriend, and our friends? Who all in all are really just good kids, who are doing our best to make life, and love, and all that work? I don't know, maybe you can, but I'm going to guess it's harder.  I wonder how many people at the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle over in Greensburg, IN have met a "homosexual"? I'm going to guess none that they've acknowledged.  Because this kind of hatred... has to be ignorant. If it isn't ignorant... if it's calculated... we're headed for terrifying places.

If you haven't seen the video already, check out the maybe 5 year old Indiana boy, singing an anti-gay song to a cheering congregation here.

But I don't want to leave this on a harsh note. Pride is serving a great purpose, and it's a heck of a lot of fun to boot.  I'm a little toastier than I was before I went, but otherwise no worse for wear, and Mimi and I have shared something really great- a glimpse at a future. Which can be hard for people like "us" to come by on occasion.

With love, pride, and no shame.  Until next time!

The Best Start to Another Year

Without a doubt, this has been the best birthday I've had in an incredibly long time.  I have never had anyone put so much care and detail into planning my birthday and it was fantastic. In fact, for the last several days, I have struggled with not having enough people I can tell how awesome my birthday was.  Because it was awesome.  So you all get to read about it. Yay, you :)

First, I woke up with white chocolate banana pancakes- my favorite :)- and a bottle of Starbuck's sugar free hazelnut syrup (my favorite.).  It's pitiful, but I loved playing barista again!

 And then we headed to Vintage Wine Fest 2012, which was incredible.  I baked, by the way, way sunburned, but it was a ton of fun.  If the wine fest comes around again next year, you should go.  You pay $22, get a tasting glass, and then walk around to a few dozen wineries and sample some 200-kinds of wine, eat some kettle corn, you know, the fair/festival deal. It was great!

Then it was back to the apartment to cool down and then surprise reservations at the Melting Pot. I hadn't been before, but all I can say is cheesy, chocolatey, gooey goodness- from start to finish!

the Melting Pot

When I was in school, my roommates and I turned Psych (from USA) into a tradition.  Nearly every Wednesday we set aside the hour, had people over, made snacks, and paused from school and stress and life to watch Psych. I love it. It's still one of my favorite shows- and it reminds me of my friends (especially the ones who are now far away.)  Anyway, all of that is to say that Mimi was not around for that the first time around, but... she bought me the seasons.  All of them :). So now she's in.  Seriously, an awesome present :)

Anyway, there's so much more to talk about. A Sunday full of relaxing, watching Psych, and sipping wine.  Flowers delivered to work on Monday, dinner with my best friends... The long and the short of it is, it was an incredible birthday.  Every day and every detail was thought out and made for me and... it was amazing :).   I don't know that I've ever had someone think through my birthday so completely.  And I feel really, really loved.

I'm a year older, and the way it's going so far... I think this could be the best year yet :).  I can't wait.

Life as Usual

First- an apology.  I have been exceptionally negligent, and for that I apologize. Life has been both over and underwhelming as of late, and all the same- quite busy! Anyway...

It is sad to say, but not much has happened since my last post! Just living, I guess.  Which has proven interesting on its own, though not necessarily in the ways it used to. Now we're experiencing those things that come only with relationship duration... and anyone who's been in a relationship longer than 2 months or so probably knows what I'm talking about. Those things that were super cute after a month, aren't so cute after 8 or so, and those things that were kind of annoying in the beginning are... well, you get it.  With each passing day the differences between you seem to outshine the similarities, and part of you wonders if the "learning about each other" part wasn't more fun, than the knowing it part.  When you "wonder" it's romantic and fun.  When you "know" it can just be frustrating to think that your understanding hasn't resolved your issues.

I can tell you without a doubt that Mimi and I are quite different.  We think differently, we act differently, we value different things.  And, without putting too fine a point on it, I worry, on a regular basis, if she won't wake up one day and realize that she's not quite so fascinated by me as she once thought she was.  Our differences were endearing in the beginning, but now... I worry sometimes.  I know I have to be frustrating.  I am obsessive, exact, critical, chaotic... all words that should probably be labeled and summed up as "stressful."  I tend to worry and involve others in my worry as well.  I obsess over my size and shape, but I keep doing the same things... hell, I have annoyed myself while writing this post.

The cool thing though is that while I have no doubt my idiosyncracies would drive myself crazy, luckily, she seems to want to stick around :).  I mean we conflict sometimes, and our differences are a big part of that, but at the end of the day- so worth it. Worth it every minute of every day. So nothing going on here, just living.  But the living feels good.

I think I was blind

On my second date with Mimi, I made her dinner and she brought me a mixed CD. Yep, a mixed CD. I've only been made one other mixed CD by a suitor and this is the only one I accepted ;-).  The thing about me with music is I like it, I really do, but I'm not passionate about it, I'm not going to seek it out.  If I hear something I like I can fall head over heels in love with it, tears streaking down my face, the whole bit, but for whatever reason I don't generally go seeking out new music.  Mimi does.  I've hung out with a whole lot of different kinds of music geeks, but she might beat them all.  When the right song is on her whole demeanor changes.  Her body tenses as she waits to hear where the song will take her and then she practically explodes as it takes her through the song- only halfway through of course, because halfway through she's perched on the edge of her seat, biting her bottom lip, looking for the next song- and she tenses up again.  It's adorable. And infuriating, actually. Truly infuriating. I don't consider myself self-centered, but by the 3rd song in my nose flares like that of a petulant child- because clearly she's paying more attention to the music then to me, and that is simply not acceptable. But it's a hard sell because I have to say I am never more in love with her or more infuriated by her then when she's bouncing from song to song to song to song.... (you get the idea.)

But back to the mixed CD.  On our second date, only a couple of weeks into us talking, she made me a mixed CD.  The CD was full of songs that were fun to listen to, some I'd heard before.  A whole lot I hadn't.  But hidden not too far into that CD- 6 tracks to be exact- was The First Day of My Life, by Bright Eyes.  I found out later that it's the track her friends almost talked her out of putting on there, but it was absolutely the track that made me fall in love with her- or at least willing to fall in love with her.  I was pretty beat up and bruised from my last bout with love, but the song... well, you should all follow the link if you haven't heard it before because it's incredible.  It'll make you fall in love.

A few Sundays ago I made a little addition to my person because I felt like I had to. It was too true to not want to capture the sentiment forever... I hope you like it :)

Courtesy of Voluta

New Adventures: Part I

(Please consider this post from last Sunday... we have been internet-less until yesterday, so I'm way behind.  Sorry!)

I may have mentioned before (on Twitter, if not here) that I’m essentially 67 years old.  Mimi’s not quite as old as I am.  Together we probably average out to a content 55 year old couple.  We drink red wine. We go to bed by 10:30.  And our normal night time line up involves some combination of Golden Girls and Everybody Loves Raymond.  Anyway… it means we have very many completely content nights, but we run the risk of letting our dating life become stale.  To avoid this tragic fate (our technical age, after all, is half our functional age… ), we have committed to doing new things.  So each month, we are going to do one completely new thing (not necessarily something we’ve never done before, but something we’ve never done together), and eat somewhere new (we are, after all, in the midst of many, many great restaurants/pubs/so on and we have yet to discover nearly enough of them!).

For April, we’re already two for two.  Over Easter, we went target shooting… yes, shooting.  If you don’t know me, that probably doesn’t sound nearly as alarming as it really is—I shot a gun.  Quite a few times.  100% Democrat; 67% Pacifist; 100% terrified of guns, me, went shooting.  Eek! I was trying to lose some of my fear of guns… I’m not so sure it worked.  I could shoot the 22 I was given without too much issue, but each time I heard any of the guns around me go off I jumped, and when my uncle convinced me I really did want to shoot the glock he was using—I nearly cried.  My whole body jerked with each shot (major kick on that thing) and you could practically feel the fire coming out of it.  Mimi on the other hand looked like she’d found her calling.  (Seriously… I was a little terrified!) BUT that’s hardly the point.  We did something totally new, and to be frank, something I was terrified of, and it was great!  We can call April a success.  As for May… we’ll keep you posted!

Trademarks of a Lesbian Household

So I was looking around our apartment the other day, and realized that we probably have some distinctly lesbian themes and I never thought about it...

So for a twist on the classic "You Know You're a Redneck", we proudly introduce: You Know It's a Lesbian House If....

1. You have hundreds of hair ties and tampons....somewhere... but you can't find a single one of either.
2. Instead of discarding old shoes, you now put them in their own pile and designate them "spider-killing-shoes."
3. Someone cries, at least once every other day-- not necessarily because their sad, or  angry, but because there's so much estrogen floating around, people just cry spontaneously.  
4. All 7 seasons of Golden Girls are sitting on the shelf (to be fair this could be applied to a gay household as well.)
5. There are shoes everywhere. Not just a few shoes, not some shoes, so many shoes, and everywhere.
6. Your primary criteria for a new home is the closet space.
7. Your coffee table is compiled of a conflicting mix of feminist and chauvinistic magazines (hey, if Kaley Cuoco is on the cover, it's worth buying...)
8. You have at least a dozen movies no (straight) person has ever heard of.
9. Most of what comes into or out of the apartment is packaged in Trader Joe's or Whole Foods Bags.
10. You can't wait to be wrapped in the arms of the woman you love :-)

Happy Monday everybody!